faking out of nothing at all....
Sunday, March 4, 2012.

today was another terrible day for me.......
faking out a smile where there was a pain inside....
to act tough when is not....
to swallow bac the tears that were at the edge of falling off...
try to force oneself to listen and act wats been told....to be right...
this is wat i am today....
a person tyring fulfill other people's expectations...

there isnt seem to be a real fren out there who understands me ...
pick me up when i fall...
respect my decisions...
and support what i do....

for someone who tend to overestimate themselves for something they are not...
i wish to prove them wrong.....and dont be so confident that it will be yours forever...
nothing is forever...even love...

not that i never try to make us frenz again....
but the thing is....it makes u think that i actually did too much....
guess i'll just stop trying....
coz if i cared ....it will just make u think too much and overestimate yourself again..
it is true that if we were frenz...we will spend great times together but....
im sorry ....making us strangers is better i guess...
everything i do will not seem good to you....
so no point of me trying again...
coz youve lost faith in me that we can actually still be good frenz even though we cared a lot bout each other....
nothing bout u is gotta do with me....
so you shall never think bout me again....
and if can...just forget those "we" s......we had....
i never knew you...and you never knew me....
if this is wat u wish for....
i seriously dont know wat i can do now but to ignore every thing....
not that im avoiding or anything...
coz this thing makes me sick....
im not a vampire where i can shut my feelings on and off just like that...
im nt you.....i cant just stop caring for someone whom i actually care....

i admit that i made mistakes during our times...
but it was already over...
i apologize for everything i did...
it doesnt make me guilty forever..
ppl make mistakes....and ppl change for better..
and y would u judge ppl for the mistakes they made in the past???
one will change for a better....so do i...
i understand those mistakes i made ...
im trying .....but no one else will believe...
and no one will noe how hard to try to be someone better...
and when youre trying....someone gave up on you...
and told how bad are u in front of their frenz....
this is how life is.....
accept reality guys.....

the reason behind the difficulties of expressing myself.....
every word from my mouth is the true feelings of mine...
im not faking it out just to make someone happier..
and thats the reason y i make situation worst...
for me...
a world with a mouth less....safe lives....
at least it safe a fragile heart from shattering...
onli positive actions and gestures is practical during tough times...
as a fren...talk less...and just be there for a fren in need......
thats practically all she needs....support!!! not spread....!!!!! @.@