一个愿望。。。。
Saturday, May 21, 2011.

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{ 2:49 PM }

挽回。。。

看见你那爱理不理的眼神。。。。
仿佛。。。
对我一丝的留恋也没了。。。。
那种眼神。。很陌生。。。
仔细地看。。。可以察觉到你有点厌倦。。。
有点讨厌我了。。。
那么。。。我算成功了吗？？？

这是我想要的吗？？？
不是。。。
都怪我们各自有各自的需求与想法。。。。
当你知道他对别人比对自己好时。。。。。
你就知道那究竟是什么一回事。。。。
该好好的回避？ 还是忍耐下去·呢？
不想搞到大家都讨厌大家的地步。。。
你和我。。。如果没有牵涉到其他人。。。或不同的想法。。。
那该多好。。。。？我的心情很复杂。。。
因为我更本没有想过我们会到达这种地步。。。

但我会努力的去挽回。。。
因为我不想因为失去你而后悔。。。。。

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{ 12:31 PM }

effort.......less?
Friday, May 20, 2011.

wats appreciating?...
by just being grateful for wat u have?
and not doing anything to maintain and keep those things u have in life?
appreciating isnt that way...
if u really think that is.....
you're going to lose a lot......

appreciating is about...
being grateful....yes...but at the same time...
treasuring wat u have by making efforts to keep everything going...on and well..
lazy is out of the equation.....
think about it....
if u think ure secure with wat u have....
and by just being grateful......
will your gratefulness be of any help when youre in danger of loosing it?
no.!~ definitely...
so...wat to do other than being grateful?

well.....its easy.....care for wat u have.....
making efforts to care about your love ones......
making efforts for no regrets in the future....
live is short....and everything u have is short lived.....
dun be lazy in making efforts....coz it will be paid off in the end...

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{ 9:57 PM }

wat a DAY!!!!!!!
Monday, May 16, 2011.

what a day!
phew.....its the first day of my A levels exam....
and damn it!
its one of the most significant day of my life.....
the story begins like this....

i drank a few sip of ipoh white coffee last night.....
just to keep me awake for the night so that i can study my bio unit 1.....
ok..well...it goes on pretty well last night...
not until twelve onli did i realize i was so freaking energetic.....
and i cant sleep.....
and yes...the whole night tossing here and there......
together with the blood sucking monster......

today.....
i woke up......like a zombie.....
coz donated too much blood last night...
this isnt just the case......its accompany by headache and pening kepala...
i was llike " oh my god! not today......"
soo........in order to have full concentration during the exam...
i throw in a cup of 3 in 1 nescafe.......
and walah....nothing happens....no effect....
my head was still like spinning round and round.....
....told my self to hang in there ......until 3 o clock...everything will be alright...

right.....after lunch.....waited for the stupid bus.....
heard from my housemate that after 1240 onli have bus...but turns out to be the other way round...i was like....."WOW!! is this a fucking joke??"
so my frenz and i took a taxi......BUT when the taxi passed by my hostel...the stupid bus came.....
but actually the truth is ....there isnt any bus service after 12 40...... =.=.....

so.....we manage to reach the exam hall....and i turn out forgetting my candidate number...
so i went to the wrong place.....
when the exam starts....
the invigilators in front was like chit chatting there in front of me...( i sat on the first table)...creating noise pollution!
i was like...come on....SHUT THE F@#K up!
head spinning....breath "taking"......BLURRR!!!!
i cant focus!!!!

finally...its 3 o clock......exam finished....
"IMU students...pls stay back...."
omg....interview results....
the interesting part came in.....

all the candidate passed...but its divided into 3 groups.....
group A in the august intake....with good results and good interview performance....
group B february intake......may be because there;s not place for august intake.....and moderate interview performance....
group C without an offer letter...but will get it soon....

now....the moment was freaking me out...
i saw my name in group A....my offer letter was in group A too...
but when the ppl saw my envelope....she put it aside...
and i was like....wat???
during the announcement for february intake....she gave me the letter....
.....oh no....gan and kerhyin was in the first group....y should i be the one left out???
did i do badly ?? i dun think so!
i cried........for like half an hour......on the way back....and on the phone.....
on that point of my life......
was so devastating.....may be other ppl are tougher than me?? i dunno.....
but i noe.......i'm not strong enough to accept this.....onli tears soothes my feeling.....
everything i did....pass smoothly....y not this???
wat did i done wrong????? i'm sorry....dun treat me like this.........
i dun deserve that...NO!!!!!
i'm just too tired to talk ......too tired.....
after pails of tears shedded......
i open the offer letter and found out that i was in the august intake....2011....
wow!! ANOTHER FUCKING JOKE......
F@#K you! i cried so hard and in the end its a joke....i really hope it is.....
the result will be confirm tonight......at night....wish me luck.....
and i'm grateful for everthing GOD..thanks for the miracle...
and thanks coz u prove to me once again.....how i should appreciate everything i have..
including my relationship.......i will.....treasure more......
and i realize how an offer letter means so much.......

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{ 7:07 PM }

awful
Tuesday, May 10, 2011.

hope that everything will change after exam...
if not i dunno how are we going to continue like this...
sometimes......promise is still a promise.....
i hate being discard aside......
wat am i to you?
what kind of feelings do i have now?
i;m so confused.....
wat a miserable day without ppl noeing it.......

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{ 3:03 PM }

stand up!
Saturday, May 7, 2011.

exams around the corner........
time flies......
a lot of things in my mind......
interview results....
a level exams...
performance....
relationship problems.....
finding a place to stay after a levels.....
all this is making me crazy....
i need to FOCUS!!!!!!!!
FOCUS!!!!!!! pls pls pls......
can my mind stop thinking of unnecessary stuffs???
hurting yourself is not part of the game now....
ish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COME ON! stand up will you!!!!!!

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{ 1:23 PM }